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What Do You Actually Value?

A values clarification exercise from ACT therapy

Inspired by Wilson & Murrell (2004), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

10 questions · ~4 min

About this reflection tool

What Do You Actually Value? is a short reflection exercise for moments when the same question keeps circling and another opinion is not making the next step clearer. It uses 10 prompts and takes about 4 minutes.

It is not advice, diagnosis, or a prediction. Treat the result as a mirror: useful when it helps you notice relief, resistance, or the tradeoff you have been trying not to name.

Research basis last reviewed: May 22, 2026.

How to use it well

  1. 1. Hold one real question in mind instead of answering in the abstract.
  2. 2. Choose the closest honest answer, not the answer that sounds best.
  3. 3. After the result, notice what you immediately want to argue with.

What your result can reveal

Freedom & Autonomy

You need to be the author of your own story. Constraint costs you more than it costs most people.

At your core, you need to feel like the choices are yours. Not just that you're doing what you want — that you could choose differently, and that the structure of your life reflects your actual self. This shows up as a low tolerance for obligations you didn't really consent to, a strong reaction to being managed or controlled, and a deep satisfaction when you've built something on your own terms. The shadow of this value is that it can make commitment feel like a trap, even when it isn't. The question isn't whether freedom matters — it's whether the cage you're resisting is real.

Security & Stability

You build from solid ground. Risk without foundation isn't brave to you — it's careless.

You're not risk-averse because you're afraid. You're risk-aware because you understand what it costs to rebuild from nothing, or to watch something you care about collapse. You value stability not as a ceiling but as a floor. A platform from which to act. This is genuinely wise — but the shadow is that it can become a reason to delay things that would actually serve you. The question is whether your security is enabling your life, or substituting for it.

Achievement & Excellence

You're driven by the standard — the distance between where you are and what's possible.

You care about doing things well. Not for applause — for the internal satisfaction of knowing you didn't settle. The gap between your current state and your potential state isn't a source of anxiety; it's a source of energy. The shadow of achievement-orientation is that it can become a moving target. You finish one thing and immediately see the next level. Rest can feel like failure. Enough rarely feels like enough. At some point the question stops being 'can I do better?' and starts being 'what am I doing this for?'

Connection & Belonging

The realest things happen between people. You've always known this.

You measure a good life in moments of genuine contact — real conversations, the feeling of being known, the warmth of people who show up. Not network. Not influence. Actual closeness. This orients you well. People who value connection tend to have richer relational lives, stronger support systems, and a clearer sense of what matters. The shadow is that it can make solitary work feel hollow, and that you sometimes sacrifice your own needs to maintain closeness. Being connected to others starts with being connected to yourself.